A story of infertility, sadness, and hope.

Everyone has a story. Some people have suggested that this isn’t even mine to share. It’s Imogen’s.

Sometimes it’s really hard to even start. Other times, it’s all I can talk about.

But here we go.

I was at the end of my maternity leave. Felt sad. Found tapping online. Researched the training courses. Trained. Qualified (with ‘flawless’ cited in my assessment, thank you very much!). And here we are now.

The end.

Well, not really. There’s a lot more to it.

I don’t know who’s reading this, or whether I’m sharing a similar story to you. Look after yourself if you feel you may be triggered by fertility stories.

What you can’t tell, from a picture.

• I’d been crying virtually nonstop for a week.

Five months after getting married, and 18 months of trying to conceive, we were told that I am almost completely infertile.

No eggs.

Nada.

“After reviewing your test results and hearing your symptoms, it appears you have premature ovarian failure. Your only options are adoption or to find an egg donor.”

Dr Somebody at the Fertility Clinic. August 2015.

That photo of me, was taken 3 days after we were told that I would never conceive my own biological baby.

I was nearly sick. My world fell apart (very dramatic I know). Everything that I wanted, everything I expected, and goddamn it, felt entitled to, disappeared in his cold, brutal diagnosis. As the tears fell, the doctor offered me a paper towel. He didn’t have any tissues. WTF is that all about?

Fast forward one year.

We opted to have IVF with an egg donor – an anonymous woman who pretty much saved us. And 9 months later, Imogen was born. The egg donor story is one for another blog post I think – it’s long, unwieldy and still tugs at my heart strings sometimes. Actually, I think it’s a story for my (not yet planned) TED Talk – titled ‘A Stranger Saved My Life’.

Here she is (aged 9 months) Glorious. Healthy. Loud. Spitting image of my husband 🙂

BACK TO EFT.

Shortly after that picture of me, thoughts were turning to work. I’d left my job before I’d got pregnant and so was to all intents and purposes, unemployed. I had no interest in going back to my old career, but just had no idea what I was even good at anymore. Confidence at rock bottom. I felt unskilled. I felt unemployable.

I felt totally and utterly lost.

In the aftermath of my infertility diagnosis, subsequent traumatic fertility treatment, an exhausting pregnancy, birth and maternity leave, I had totally lost myself. (This accidental selfie with a weird filter is EXACTLY how I felt. Grey. Flat. Muted.)

BUT, I’m proactive and resourceful – I started googling confidence course, confidence boost, things to do whilst unemployed etc. And I found tapping.

Someone was doing a free Facebook 5 day challenge. I did the first session with a sneer on my face. What a load of sh!te. Tapping on my FACE? Who even IS this woman.

But, it was instant. Like a laser beam ZAP! Within one session I felt renewed. After the week, 5 x 1 hour tapping sessions, it felt like my brain had been restored.

Tapping changed me from the inside out.

Tapping was the only thing that brought me back. It made me feel like me again. I was suddenly, and dramatically me. Optimistic. Silly. Loud. Awake. Joyful. Unapologetically Me. You can read more ‘interesting’ facts about me on my website 🙂

Tapping really is life changing.

I trained as an EFT practitioner within months of finding tapping.

I now work with mums. Mums who are feeling muted. Or grey. Or overwhelmed by parenting, life and coronavirus. I teach them tapping, to become unapologetically themselves. Whether that’s restoring confidence, building up resilience to cope with this pandemic, inducing joy or simply brightening the colours of their life.

I won’t stop blarting on about tapping – it literally changed my life. If I can help just one extra person with tapping, then my job is done.

It breaks my heart thinking that other people are out there thinking they’re lost. Or broken. Or grey.

Knowing that there might be someone out there, feeling the way that I felt – it’s overwhelming. Knowing that IT. DOESN’T. HAVE. TO. BE. LIKE. THAT!

Tapping can change your life. I know this, because it changed mine.

If any of what I’ve written is resonating with you, send me a message. I’d love to talk to you about tapping. About infertility. About creating the most unapologetic version of yourself.

You can follow me on social media: Instagram and Facebook

Lots of Love, Louisa xx