I’m talking about Dragons today.

Yep, dragons.

You see, last week I had a conversation with someone about WHY their friend won’t get help. WHY they insist on being miserable, tired, furious. Why they shut down any conversation about ‘don’t you think it’s time to sort this out?.

Now, I don’t know this person. I don’t know anything about their past, their history, their current circumstances. BUT I do know a LOT about people, emotions, brains and behaviours – all that jazz. 

So here’s what I offered. 

Your friend is scared. Scared SHITLESS of acknowledging they MAY need to sort it out.

Scared of talking about it. Heck, probably scared of even thinking about it.

And most definitely scared of tackling it head on.

You see, quite a lot of people live with Dragons. Something horrible. 

• It shows up as defensiveness.(I don’t know what you mean, stop hounding me) 

• It shows up as meek and timid people pleasing (yep of course, no problem, anything you need)

• It shows up as raucous loudness (don’t get too close, i’ll keep you at arms length and be unapproachable). 

• It shows up as misery, grumpiness, scowling, everything’s against me.
• The dragon can make you BUSY BUSY BUSY, I’M NOT GOING TO RELAX. (because if you DO relax, maybe you’ll feel the dragon?)

And I see it. I can’t help it, I feel like I’ve got an x-ray machine in my system sometimes, and can see right into the core of it.

They may not be able to put it into words. They might not be able to tell you the exact thing, or event that created it. But it exists.

We acknowledge the dragon. 

“You have some really strong feelings about this, don’t you?”

Dragons do NOT like to be shouted at.
Dragons do NOT care to be ‘called out’.
Dragons respond well to gentle, soft approaches.
We aim to diffuse them. Not fight them.
They just want to be heard.

(this is making me think of the Dragon in Shrek, she just wanted to be loved).

Because, isn’t that we all want?
To know that we’re loved, even with our dragon? To be loved even if we’re horrible, scaly and spouting fire? To know that someone will hold us through the scary stuff?
To know that someone will still approach us, carefully.

Very few people actually deep down, want to hurt people. Yet, if a dragon is tackled without due care and attention, guess what? People get burned. 

And very few people actually know what to do about their dragons.
Sometimes it’s a feeling that’s been there forever, so they believe it’s just who they are. 
Sometimes it’s something that happened, and they’ll ‘never be the same’.

So all we can do is love.
Even if they’re being unloveable.
(people who need the most love, can ask for it in the most unloveable way).

And, also – the MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF THIS PUZZLE?

You must love yourself first.

And I can help you do that.

Via 1:1 coaching. Message me for details.